You feel like food poisoning

Intoxicated

I told you that I like you

Just endorphins you said

You don’t like me, you said

You like me, I said

Delusional in rough caresses

Baby

You grabbed me by the hair

I am not loved, I thought

I need to leave, I screamed

But what you heard was moaning

Instead of running

A shot of vodka

The liquid courage makes me stay

When I should so long ago have left

I’ll jog towards another man

Just kidding

I am letting you demean me

Why leave when I can fuck you into staying

Another day with me

09/26/2017

Unwolf

To go back in time

I would unlove you

Unkiss

Undo the love we made

Undo your pants

Unplay our shenanigans

Kiss you a negative number

Unbite your lip

Unlove your locks

Undrive you away

Understand you this time

Unsmile

Undo us

Undo you

Underestimate our love

Unregret all our mistakes

Unhurt myself

Unrepetent our sins

Unanswer my questions

Unravel you

And then maybe i will unmiss you

Uncry our love

Unregret our time together

Unbelieve your sweet talk

Unsweeten our desserts

Undesert my exlover

Unsettle our demons

Unrest our spirits

Undrink our shots

Unwrite all our love poems

Undertake what was taken Unturn on my way
Uncolor our days
Underrate how meaningful this all is

Untape my heart and bleed all over you.

Ask the cards

Did I run from you instead of towards you

I ask the cards

I want a different answer

Tell me I was deliriously happy.

Tame sweethearts underneath

Who lost it all

Who will soon find it.

I was not happy.

Were you?

Maybe you were too selfish to be unhappy

After all

What was your job

I never asked you to be

You weren’t really

You pulled away in rhythmic patterns

To the beat of raucous vinyls

Every day more tired of pulling you towards me

The rope thick hurting my hands

I cannot lift you

Why don’t you just walk towards me

Distracted

You're reading your philosophy of nothing

I pull and watch in awe as nothing happens

Is that what you are reading of

I stop and watch you from afar

I pull once more

And walk towards you

How much further could I go

I stop and cut with giant scissors the intricate ropes

How foolish of me to have tied you

Be free I wish you with a smile

With bloody hands I try to hold your arm

Now that you’re free

Maybe you choose to be mine

But you just ran

Ask the tarot cards

I pray for a different answer

One that tells me I am wrong

I cry to the gods

just tell me

Tell me i was wrong all along

Tell me I should have stayed and you would have stayed

And all was one big misunderstanding.

The gods got their wires crossed

Zeus got a new puppy

And I misheard you when you said in not so many words

That you don’t care

Then that you do

Then when you didn’t show you care

I should have waited for Zeus to sort his business up in heavens.

Oops.

I thought we were two too

How do I extend myself

My body all over yours

Maybe if I grow a little taller

Maybe if I hold you with stronger arms

I’ll be one and a half and then you can be the half I need

Maybe if I stay a little farther at the edge

And stare down the abyss till it lights up from cigarettes and booze

Maybe if we exchange different lines or maybe if we snort coke

Maybe if I jump on your back and laugh a little harder

Maybe if I break you and rebuild you into what I need

Or maybe if I break myself

A mosaic of salt water

I’ll turn you into clay

We’ll build something else

Something small

And when the wind will shake us

We’ll first cry hard then laugh then fall

I thought we were two

One morning I noticed we are one and a half

I looked under the sheets

I tried to find the rest of us

Maybe forgotten in that empty bottle of whisky

Maybe on the shelf rotting and moldy and smelling of death

I looked for a while

I asked you if you knew

The door closed behind you

I started the laundry

I cleaned up the yard

I waited a while

I smoked, one more pray

I planned, packed my bags, threw them out

Called you out

Called out the echo

I opened the bottle

Left it open

And went on my way.

Her

I saw her picture

She looks kind

My love, who are you?

The one hour we had

In which we craved and tenderly did nothing

It was the only memory I cherish

It’s all I want to keep

From you

From your curls so short cut

I thought you were kind too

I laughed

I thought you loved her

I love you

Jokingly you said

I love you too
I laughed

Love

does it mean to you another nothing

You never mentioned her

Her name

Her passions

Her dreams

Her ultimate desires

Love me instead

Not for a single minute did I know

That she was yours and you do belong to her

Another cigarette to burn me

My throat is sore

I came back home and thought of children

Us in the kitchen making love

Us in the kitchen making crepes

Us loving us

There is no us

I see myself my belly to my mouth

And you massaging me and gently smiling

Or is it her?

Who is the pregnant girl?

Who is the girl?

Who are you?

Somewhere in North Dakota

We can dream how we run together

To the end of the world

In some dark sweet place

We stay near the fire, near the woods

Maybe in North Dakota

Where no one wants to be

Where the winter kills the spirit of any lonesome bird

We can dream, my sweet prince

But would you really run with me

Knowing the pain, the loneliness,

That all you have is me?

Won't you better

Go to a cheerful island

And dream of dark sweet places.


07/16/2012

Just go

Don't dance with me tonight, my love

Don't hold me like we'll stay forever in this little town

Don't bite my lips like they are yours

Don't dream of running,

Don't dream of how we'll stay.

Tonight you’ll let me go, my love

With the bashful wind

With the sea

With the coming autumn

Let me go

Let me drown

In another ocean

With the dolphins

Salt scrubbing my body

tainted by desire,

Sunburnt and thirsty

My face now blue and gold

Poisonous fish between my legs

Don't save me tonight, my love

Let me drown

Let me be caressed by the wind

by the sea

by the sailors.

Don't bring me wine and happiness tonight, my love
Just go

07/09/2012

Crack escort

Your eyes have seen love

where we both wish there was cocaine

I loved you like a crack whore loves her deal

Like the innocent vestal abandons herself to the life that is about to start

You pierced my heart with hundreds of innocent cries

Possessed by jokes

Ruminated in breaths of alcohol

I needed you the way I needed silence

I loved you quietly and strong

I gave you all I had in secret

I said your name

My face lit up

Another cigarette to light us up

Another beer just to stand you

Another unrequited love I thought

You held me and I fell

You held my hand and all was lost

And in your arms life ended

Another life without your love began.

04/17/2017

Whispers of the wind

Brought by the wind

I hear the lamentations of the angry

the mob defiling its teeth

with sacred meat of poets and of rangers

I hear the woe and play the beat

I heard you’re gone

I heard your soul got stronger

I heard your breath bathed in methane and rubbing alcohol

The wind so long ago has told me

You loved a different one in vain

You loved you lost maybe you married

So long ago your eyes were free

I loved I lost maybe I married

The wind shall whisper through my trees

The mob so loud will cloud the voice.

So long ago I whispered.

So long ago

We dreamt of loneliness and jazz

In soothing screams of unborn children

We got our backyards filled with moonshine

And then in old bitters we bathed

With pages torn and unpaved roofs

We flew in circles, smoked disasters

And then collapsed in spit and glue

Not enough glue to hold us strong

We split to pieces

Got renewed

We broke and fixed our sporadic ventures

And then I flew

Defiled and abrasive and aloof
I whisper

I don’t crave you.

29/10/2015

Old friend

Sand in my teeth

Sand in my stomach

Long lost friend

I found you after all this time

I bite so eagerly the wind

You taste like nothing sweet old friend

My teeth like you are turning into clay

I have been wood and rotten iron

I lied quite often that I’m gold

Sometimes in awe I thought I’m silver

and in a moment of denial I was sure I’m simply old

To reach to you

In water I descended

A bloated piece of clay

A sugar plum with joyless claws

caressing fish and reading algae

Researching eagerly a doctorate in dreading joy

For proper research

You have to look the other way

Inside

The bottom of the pit is clay

I look for my lost siblings, my lost boy

My footsteps

When I walked the ocean road

I am so sure a fish descended

I walked on one

he screamed with joy

Remember me you fish you larva you frog you lonely breathless prick

I said

Remember me

I screamed

Remember me you fool

I need

I need to see my footsteps in the ocean

Please

Ocean drive

Remember me

It faded fast

the fish the ocean the dust the rain

I picked my rotting body, carried it to the morgue

I threw up sand

Goodbye my love

I sat myself inside the cold

With scented claws

I cut my liver

And then I waited

In the dark

In pain

Blood slowly sifting out of me

The last night that I’ll ever dread

Go dry

Go north

Go places

I reached your mouth

And I turned to sand.