Poets

Being a poet is not the job of a poet

Small pests we are

the poets of the world

In order to outlive we live

Fighting to feed the beast with enough life 

to spew another poem out 

it’s gross it’s small it’s filled with blood and puss

We take it out with dirty hands 

And pray to not get infected with mediocre lines 

We sanitize the wounds with vast amounts of booze

We cauterize with burning cigarettes

We greet the sunrise while collapsing inside ourselves

And pray to have another day of real life 

Then die

27/10/2023

Till the cows come home

I said I’ll love you till the cows come home

I laughed misunderstanding you, the lyrics

And every day I bike to see the cows, still looking

The cows never went home, my love

Not to our home, not to a barn, 

Not even to the neighbours’ 

The country song, the smell of hay

The car, long drive, 

Through Vacaville and Davis

We were cow country, once again I am

And finally 

The cows went home

Years ago, my love

And they were miked, and loved, and slaughtered

We fried them love

They did come home and then we ate them.

18/06/2023

 

Pigeons

Days go by and roses fade, songs play, birds die eating rice at weddings

Just kidding, pigeons don’t explode in the face of true love

Just us, we die a little, 

We are the ones unloved, unbound, unkind 

You

The man who loves committing

And me 

Committed to be

It will get better 

One day I wake up

I am better

Not

After you left they pulled me open and tried to make me let them in

Like you he tried to take my pain away 

But all he did was a reminder of what you did.

how

We had 

words and empty promises and 

Another pushed me on the bed ripped off my clothes lifted my legs and tried to have me

I laughed, no

I stopped

Whiskey 

I know it was the distance that messed us up, but 

Sober

I still can’t stand us

Perfumed sake

Things going to shit before they even started

What if we disappeared 

We did

We finally did.

Ruckus

Asking for the same thing.
Until my voice is hoarse

Until the blood is gushing through my nostrils through my eyes

My lungs filled

Only smoke could purify the wound

An old ritual I used to practice

Cigarettes embracing my lungs in shadows

And despair

And if you heard the signals they were not for you

For the inbetweens laughed

I asked

Over and over again

I cursed cussed caused ruckus no closure no corner no clearance no chance

Where

Where is the entrance exit door window jump stay please I will

I skip another night

We tried.

No reason to hope

The tram almost killed a reckless boy today, on his bike

He must have been drunk and I thought you must be drunk somewhere in the world

And you’d never ride yourself into a tram

They say the hearts break

And when X broke mine I swear I heard it break

It was the only time I actually heard the breaking

But what do they call it

when someone hurts you so bad

that your heart ties itself into a  knot and cannot breathe for months on end

And the pain and the pressure they stay with you at all times

There is no healing, just letting go

But it’s bloated and salty and

I cannot breathe without you

But it’s a choice

I chose not to unknot our love

You left and I wrapped myself up into a knot

Like a modern art piece

and waited for you to love me

How

You cannot see the breaking

You didn’t see me when I was right in front of you

So how could you know that I was almost ok

When you punched me all of a sudden in a peruvian restaurant after climbing

You could have been here

But you bailed.

09/02/2018

Catfish

I thought we built a love out of words

Just words

They were not lies not half truths either

Just words

How foolish to believe that we could have built a love like this

This crazy quest

To build a love with no physical proof

kept in our hearts.

We disregarded

that when you touch it, it disappears

And all that’s left is words

Just words

Returning to the real world

It’s cold, it’s damp, my feet are frozen

I wonder where I’m coming from

Was he there too and is he cold

Was it his world and was it better

It was

A world built out of words

My breath, my smile, the warmth, my voice

For I was real.

Everything else

The world, the wind, his smile, him

made up.

Same old

Different face same old same old

Running in circles on this level of average height

I wake up in sweats and his face is changed but I am the same

A different bracelet too tight

My hand blue

My lips blue

Suffocating or is the lipstick changing colors with the moods of the rain

The stars laugh and I crawl a little maybe I can hide in the past

If I soothe myself in old letters maybe i can stay a while longer

I wait

The rain is still and there are no news today.